Do you remember when you first met your spouse? Think back about that time and remember how great it felt to talk for hours on the phone, or how having dinner together was a treat just because you were able to spend quality time with them and have great conversation. You enjoyed one another and couldn’t wait to hear about each other’s day, family, and/or dreams. However many years into marriage after having children, a mortgage, and many other life circumstances you can sometimes find yourself not making time to have those great conversations anymore. Your schedules become so busy that you often become ships passing in the night and you may wonder where did the spark go that once had you so connected!
I have been married 22 years now and when people ask me how we keep the course I will have to say good communication has been one of our biggest strengths. It doesn’t mean we always get it right but we are intentional on spending the time to make it better! Marriage is a blessing and gift from God but it takes work and it takes being intentional to make our marriage work the way it should!
There are intentional things you can do to make sure you communicate throughout the days and weeks! It may take literally scheduling it in but it is worth it. Here are 5 things you can do to make sure meaningful conversation happens in your marriage!
5 Ways to Make Meaningful Conversation Happen in Your Marriage
1. Make it a point to at least spend 10 minutes every day just to talk! If you or your husband works long hours and you get nothing else but phone time, commit to talking at least 10 minutes. It is amazing how just talking 10 minutes can make you feel after a hard day.
2. Text one another – My husband and I text each other during the day. It doesn’t have to be constantly, I know he has to work but just a few times during the day helps you connect a little bit. You can ask how their day is going? You can text about practical things like can you stop and get milk or really surprise him/her and send a flirty or sexy text about how you hope to connect later!
3. They say opposites often attract. However later in the marriage you may feel like you don’t have much in common and that keeps you from communicating. I encourage you to find one activity that you love to do together. it can be a daily or weekly walk, a hobby, cooking (my inlaws always cooked together, it was always great seeing them in the kitchen together having great conversations) or anything at all you can think of that you both enjoy. It is a myth that you have to be a couple that has everything in common, often it is the balance of opposites that make a wonderful couple! That doesn’t mean you can find one or two activities that you both love and enjoy them together. This creates perfect moments for great conversations!
4. Put the kids to bed earlier – If you don’t already put the kids to bed at least one to two hours before you go to bed. When my kids were young we always had 9-11 pm together. We used that time to do a devotional and pray together, watch a tv show or to be intimate. It was our time and we guarded it If you have newborns you may need to tweak the schedule for a season but it won’t be long and the baby will start to go to sleep at the hour you want it to (it really does happen) . We have all teens now so they just know to respect mom and dads time together in the evening. We have always worked hard to keep that 9-11 for us for the most part. If your husband works nights, find another time. Get creative in finding time to be together!
5. Date one another – Don’t ever quit dating one another. There were seasons for us we could only do this once a month. Now that we have teens who can stay by themselves we go once a week. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Many of our dates was fast food and a ride in the car. You can do a picnic at a park, or even go to a bookstore together. If you can’t get babysitting have a date night at home! This is a precious time for just the two of you . Savor it and protect it!
I hope this gives you some practical ways to get more time to communicate! If you stop talking the relationship breaks down and that is no way to have a marriage. Great communication is what makes great friends, great mates, and partners for life even as we age! We need one another and we have to be purposeful in making that happen!
Angela, Together with Family
Angela Richter is a wife to her best friend of 22 years and mother to three! She is the author of Together with Family where she writes about finding ways to connect with your family on a deeper level!