Increasing intimacy in marriage is something that every married couple should strive for. Intimacy is not easily achieved and you and your spouse must be intentional in your decisions to strive to increase intimacy in marriage. So how can we actively prepare our marriages for a lasting foundation of intimacy in the spiritual, physical, and mental aspects? Today we are going to share three simple things we believe can help increase intimacy in every area of your marriage.
3 Simple Ways to Increase Intimacy in Marriage
1. Open communication. This is very important. If you are closed off in your verbal and non-verbal communication in marriage, your spouse will feel it and begin to question your heart towards them. Be as open as you can in all of your dealings with your spouse. It is better to be vulnerable in marriage than to be closed off. You married your spouse with the intention of staying with them until death do you part – so be sure to do everything you can to create open lines of communication off the bat. Even if this is not your strong suit, your spouse will see and feel your efforts and it will give them the feeling of safety they need to open up in return.
2. Physical affection. It is a well known fact that holding hands, hugging, and kissing are all forms of physical affection that actually make people feel happy. It not only produces the release of the calming hormone oxytocin, but it has also been proven to slow down your heart rate and relax your body. In order to be intimate in every area of your marriage – both parties need to feel relaxed. This is something that must be an intentional part of your time spent together. So don’t forget to make physical affection a priority in your time together.
3. Dating. We know that some of you, when you read the word “dating” you instantly said or thought, “That’s impossible.” For whatever reason, many people make themselves think they are unable to date their spouse. We are both here to tell you that this simply isn’t true. We have realized early on in our marriage that we had to “redefine” what dating means in our marriage and make it work for the particular season of life we are in. For instance, when we had babies and toddlers in the house, our date night consisted of a late dinner at home by candle light after the children were asleep. Or when we were going through any of our 5 year-long deployments – we had “phone dates” that we promised we would give each other 100% of our focus. Early on in our marriage we would just sit together and watch a .99-cent rental movie with a bag of popcorn and some water and call it a date. And we have learned to enjoy every single second of it.
It’s not the “type” of date that is important but rather the time spent together focusing on one another that is important. Every family is different, so find out what works for you and stick with it.
The three ways mentioned above are certainly vital to increasing intimacy in marriage. However, there are many other ways to continuously build intimacy together with your spouse. Some other ways include: prayer (lots of it), reading the Bible (daily), commitment to one another (unconditional love), honesty, humility, and by actively using Christian resources to help counsel and guide you along the way.
Resources to Help Build Intimacy in Marriage
Here are a few resources we have used over the past 13 years of our marriage to help keep intimacy in our marriage strong on every front:
Let Us Pray For You
We come to you in the precious name of Jesus to lift up every single person who has come to seek ways to improve intimacy in their marriage. We pray right now that you would grant them the wisdom that they seek and the grace to carry it out. We thank you right now, Jesus, in your Holy name, that couples around the world are being strengthened by your undying love for your children. Help us, Lord, to honor you each day in our choices and actions toward our spouses. Help us to open up our hearts to you more and more each day so that you can reach through our hearts and help us love our spouse through you. We are confident that you are faithful to perform your Word. Thank you for all of these things right now – in the mighty name of Jesus we pray – Amen!