When we first got married, conversation came easily. It seemed that my husband understood what my needs were. Of course, we spent a lot of time together, and that made it easy for him to see, know, and understand those needs.
As we settled into our home and started to manage life as a married couple, I began to feel that he didn’t understand my needs as well. We had bills to pay and a house to keep. We participated in church activities, and though we were together a lot, it wasn’t the same.
The more misunderstood I felt, the more frustrated I became. It didn’t take long for me to feel as though my husband had shuffled me out of first place in his life (first place after God). I felt resentment build each time my needs went unnoticed or unanswered.
My husband was not a bad guy; he was simply trying to manage a family on top of his regular responsibilities. When pressed, he genuinely wanted to meet my needs; he just had a lot of other competing factors in his life. It took me a few years to understand my husband’s desire to provide for his family, participate in church activities, and be a good father and a great husband.
I learned to approach him differently when I truly needed him to hear and understand me. None of these ideas are brilliant or new; you’ve heard of all of them. But sometimes it can be good to hear them again and try to put them into practice.
3 Meaningful Ways to Share Your Needs with Your Husband
1. Have the Most Important Conversation First
The most important conversation is not the one with your husband. I’ve learned over the years that when I need my husband to understand something, the best thing I can do is pray first. I seek God’s wisdom and ask for my husband’s heart to be open.
I also pray for the right words to share, because I don’t want my attitude to be an issue as we talk. While things may not go perfectly, they are so much better when I’ve asked the Lord to prepare the way.
How encouraging that we have a heavenly Father who wants to bless in every part of our marriage!
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
2. Share a Heartfelt Conversation
The key word here is “heartfelt.” When I need to tell my husband what I’m feeling, or that I am struggling, it’s easy to fill that conversation with my emotions. Before long, my tone turns harsh or argumentative, and the conversation is likely to go downhill.
If I go into the conversation intending to share in a heartfelt manner, I can keep my emotions in check. There are many good qualities about my husband, but I can lose track of those when my heart is hurting.
I often tell my husband that I would like to have a conversation so that he knows I will need some of his time. A little advanced notice helps him shuffle his schedule so that we have time to talk.
3. Use the Power of the Written Word
There are times when our schedules do not seem to overlap, and we meet each other coming and going. It’s hard to connect during those times, and it’s frustrating when they coincide with times when I need to share my heart.
I like to deal with issues and resolve them, but my husband prefers to take time to find the best solution. This can frustrate me when I’m looking for a resolution, especially if our schedules do not leave time together.
So I’ve taken to writing to him on occasion. This has become a very effective form of communicating when our schedules are hectic. It may be an email or something I write by hand, sharing a bit of the situation and that I need some of his time. This gives him a little insight into the situation, as well as time to start thinking on a good solution.
These are 3 ways that I share my heart with my husband.
I’d love to hear how you connect when you start to feel that your needs are going unnoticed.