Once the honeymoon has been over for a few years and stressors of day to day life have set-in, it’s easy to fall into habits of coming home from work, having dinner, getting the kids into bed and falling asleep. Is exhaustion from daily demands taking a toll on your physical connection? Is your wife just not feeling it anymore?
We’ve been there – and Carlie knows just how she feels. It is so tough when you want to be intimate with your husband but your body is not cooperating. We want to share some things that have helped us in this area in hopes that it will help your low-libido wife ramp up her sex drive, too.
7 Tips to Help a Low-Libido Wife
1. Get Her away from the Stress
It will be much easier for your wife to focus on your relationship and your physical connection if you every now and then you are able to get her away from work, kids and stress. By taking a night (or weekend) away, Carlie and I are able to have that time just for ourselves. There is no laundry to do, dinner to make, etc. and with the distractions and to-do list gone, she has the ability to focus entirely on us and the connection that we share. Your getaway doesn’t have to be to an exotic destination, it could be at a hotel or resort in your hometown. Just focus on getting her away from her list of things to do at home.
2. Take Things off of Her Plate
Is a getaway not an option for you? Then think about what she has on her plate. Does she have an overwhelming list of things to do each day? Then see what you can do to help chip away at that list. By helping with some of her work, it may help to provide the extra energy that she tries to find at the end of the day. Offering to do some of the cleaning or make dinner one night (or two) each week while she puts her feet up will help her to be more energized once the kids are in bed.
3. Let Her Know That You’re Attracted to Her
Every woman wants to feel desirable. Once you’ve been married a few years, you’ve both settled-in and may not dress to the nines every day like you used to (to impress each other). In her mind, that might translate to no longer being beautiful. Helping her to dispel that fear and to know that you still think she’s gorgeous will help her to see herself as someone that you still physically desire. Some good ways to do that are by making comments about her attractiveness or by giving her something that you’d like to see her in.
4. Set the Mood
Once the kids are in bed and the house is quiet, set the mood for the evening. Light some candles, dim the lights and set the tone for a romantic evening. Turning off the lights and lying in bed waiting for her doesn’t quite send the same message that you want to be with her. It may seem to her that you’ve gone to bed for the night. By leaving no room for misunderstanding, she’ll see how much you would like to have that time with her.
5. Provide her Opportunities to be Feminine
The daily demands of working, cleaning the house, making dinner, taking care of the kids, etc., often leave wives beat (and not as in touch with their feminine sides). When she is able, I encourage Carlie to go for manicures and pedicures, go to the gym and get massages. By giving her time to pamper herself a little bit, she’s able to come home feeling more feminine (and less overworked). When your wife feels beautiful and feminine, her desire to have that physical connection with you is much more present.
6. Make Sure She is Eating Well
One of the things that has stolen my (Carlie’s) libido from time-to-time is when I am not being careful about what I eat. I have found that when I eat processed food that I am less likely to desire my husband because I am even more physically and mentally exhausted than I am in my full day-to-day life. Eating a well balanced diet is a good start to fighting against unnecessary fatigue that steals your desire for physical intimacy.
7. Be Sure to Encourage Her to Exercise
If she isn’t already, make sure your wife is getting enough exercise. You can help encourage her in this area by doing it alongside her (at her pace) or taking the kids so she can go to the gym or have the space for focused exercise time. We’ve had times where Carlie went to the gym and other times where she exercised at home. The place doesn’t matter, it just matters that she is moving. This not only helps her feel her best, it will help give her more confidence in her physical strength and appearance.
While the root cause of every low-libido wife is different, these 7 things are great places to start. If you have tried these things and nothing has worked, we encourage you to go and see a specialist for help. There are many other determining factors (like hormones and other biological and emotional factors) that could be the culprit. Either way, there is no shame in having a low-libido, so be sure to talk about it openly so you can work together toward a solution. In the end you will both feel better about everything if you are on the same page and showing one another the support and love you desire and deserve!
Do you have other tips to help your low-libido wife? Please share your ideas!
More to Consider…