We have found that a lasting, healthy marriage is something that we have to work on each and every day. While the work isn’t always fun, the reward is so worth the effort that we put into it. There are many, many things that go into having a great marriage and there are some stumbling blocks that, when left unattended, will lead to trouble.
10 Reasons Marriages Fail
Today we are taking an approach that exposes things to be wary of – things that will rob your marriage of real joy and success. Today we are sharing 10 reasons marriages fail. While there are plenty other reasons marriages may fail, these 10 things below, if not carefully tended, can be the root of many larger actions that conquer and divide your marriage.
You Don’t Pray Together
Praying together is an important part of a healthy marriage because it brings you together as you raise your joys and fears to God. Asking for His guidance on those things with which you are struggling together will help you to grow as well as find ways to support one another. There is so much power in agreement in prayer and in your relationship.
You Don’t Respect One Another
Respect is a paramount part of a strong marriage. You and your spouse likely have many differences. Embracing those differences and using them to your benefit will help you to work as a team. Criticizing each other for those things that you do differently or that you don’t agree with will only lead to breakdown and hurt in your marriage.
You Don’t Listen to Each Other
Actively listening to your spouse…really hearing what he/she is saying, is vital to a loving relationship. By taking the time to listen to each other, you are showing that you value the other’s ideas and that you are there to support him/her. When neither one of you takes time to listen, you are demonstrating that your spouse’s thoughts and feelings don’t matter to you. This can lead to your spouse finding someone else to confide in, which is very dangerous ground.
You are Both Too Self-Centered
When life gets crazy, it’s easy to become focused on yourself: your responsibilities, your concerns, your goals. Though many of us don’t consciously become inwardly focused, we end up thinking only about ourselves. This pattern is detrimental to your marriage, as it causes you to stop thinking about the needs of your spouse. When you catch yourself thinking about your busy day, week, etc., make sure that you take time to talk with your spouse about his/hers as well.
You Don’t Set Goals with Each Other
Setting goals with your spouse ensures that you are on the same page and heading in the same direction. By talking on a regular basis about the things that you hope to achieve as a couple or family and stopping to discuss your progress to meeting those goals, you make sure that you are moving forward together. When goals aren’t set, then it becomes easy for you both to be working from your own agendas. Division is never a good thing in marriage. Be sure to be actively setting and evaluating goals together so you can avoid the trap of division.
You Don’t Communicate Effectively with One Another
Communication is another essential part of a strong marriage. It’s important that you talk about anything that concerns you both: finances, the kids, ways that you are hoping to grow and changes that you plan to make. By not keeping your spouse in the loop, it’s easy for misunderstanding and hurt to take over as he/she may feel that you don’t value his/her thoughts.
You Have Lost the Romance
Romance is what, initially brought you and your spouse together and it is an integral part of keeping your marriage strong. Making time for dates and intimacy will help to keep your marriage on the right track. Without romance, you and your spouse will lose the spark that brought you together in the first place.
You Don’t Have Fun Together
Like with all things, with work there must also be play. As mentioned earlier, marriage is a lot of work. You must also find time, however, to have a good time with each other. Adopt a hobby that you both enjoy, spend weekend time setting aside the responsibilities and having fun. If you take the fun out of marriage and only focus on the work that goes into it, it may seem like an energy drain that leaves you both exhausted and resentful.
You Don’t Make Each Other a Top Priority
We all have plenty of things on the to-do list: work, family, volunteering, etc. If you don’t set your priorities and make sure that the choices that you make support those things that you see as most important, then you may find at the end of the day that your marriage is on the rocks. Remember that your spouse should be a top priority and that your days’ work should reflect continuous effort to show him/her how much he/she matters to you.
You Don’t Grow Together
Each day we grow; our experiences shape the people that we are. When you aren’t working together and growing together, it opens the door on plenty of opportunity to grow apart. By making a concerted effort to grow as a couple through reading and praying together, you are ensuring that your relationship continues to flourish.
Today, more than ever, marriages are under attack. We wholeheartedly believe that if you and your spouse can use these 10 guidelines above as a starting point to do a “health check” in your marriage it can save you a lot of heartache. We encourage you to work through all 10 points together, communicating with honesty about how well you marriage is doing in each area. Write down the things that you are doing well as well as the things you need to work on. Make it a priority to work on the items on the list until they have drastically improved. Don’t set a time limit on “when” the improvements will occur, rather dedicate your hearts and time to working on them a little at a time.