Setting your marriage up for success as newlyweds is no easy feat. As a newlywed, I was thrilled to finally start our life together. Although I had stars in my eyes, I was also blissfully ignorant. Of course I had heard the importance of good communication and other “marriage rules”, yet I didn’t know how to make a marriage work.
Honestly, I struggled as newlywed and often floundered in my new role.
Looking back over these last 14 years, I wish I had really known what it takes to cultivate a healthy marriage. And I wish someone had shared these success principles with me a lot earlier!
How to Set Your Marriage Up for Success as a Newlywed
Be a team
It’s a little strange that the minute you say “I do”, your life is instantly changed. Suddenly, everything you do and every decision you make includes another person.
Thankfully, it’s common to experience growing pains as your new life comes together and you learn to live with your new spouse. Honestly, the sooner you start thinking of yourself as a team, the better.
Make a habit of sharing your day with your spouse, consulting him/her for advice, and sharing your heart on a regular basis. Before long, a beautiful partnership will form and you’ll grow together as a united front.
While it’s not always easy to merge your life, finances, and backgrounds, it’s exciting to realize that you’re a solid team and not two individuals.
As a newlywed, you may see differences in your mate’s personality than from your dating days.
Your new spouse may hate mornings and you may wake to a grizzly bear as each day dawns. (That was the case in our marriage. I humbly admit I was the bear!)
The toilet seat may be left up often or piles of dirty clothes may fill a corner in your room.
Whatever the situation or annoying habit that comes to light, be kind to your spouse. Nagging can quickly cause a rift in even the most solid relationship and resentment can begin to build. Learn to speak kindness, even in sticky situations, and you’ll develop a safe place to speak truth.
I remember as a newlywed thinking that Hubs was in my personal space ALL the time. It was then I recognized my introvert tendencies and my need for solitude every once and awhile.
We quickly had to be gentle and flexible with each other’s needs and desires. In the end, compromise and flexibility helps a marriage thrive and provides a safe place where one can voice their opinion.
Be patient and forgiving
As you learn each other’s habits and quirks, you may find yourself frustrated and easily annoyed. I get it.
In fact, chances are your spouse finds some irritating flaws with you, too. Practice patience with each other as you navigate your new roles and responsibilities of Mr. and Mrs. Choose grace in moments of frustration and have “thick skin” as you let minor imperfections roll off your back.
Life is hard and responsibilities can quickly feel like burdens. Yet a couple that makes time to laugh and connect together, even when times are tough, is strengthening the bond of their relationship. Let your home be a place of love and laughter where you can escape from everyday life together.
Be realistic in your expectations
I admit that I had unrealistic expectations of what married life would be like. Honestly, I thought it would be more like a romantic comedy than the battle of the sexes. And with those lofty dreams, came a burden on my new husband that he would never live up to my expectations.
As much as it hurts, reality isn’t all romance, candles, and flowers.
Real marriage is about a deep commitment to God and one another.
Marriage is self-sacrificing and putting his needs above your own.
A true marriage accepts the flaws of their spouse and chooses to love and serve him no matter what life throws their way.
Yet these principles will help set your marriage up for success and help you thrive and have success as newlyweds. When the hard times come, you’ll be able to weather any storm life throws your way.
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