Finding ways to rebuild trust after infidelity is hard. It’s a hard concept, it’s full of hard feelings, and it’s an obstacle that both people in the marriage have to accept and attempt to “get over” the best way that they can.
Truthfully, after the initial shock and surprise of learning that your partner wasn’t faithful subside, it’s time to start thinking about ways that you can start to rebuild trust. While it may not be easy to do, it is important to do if you are seriously wanting your relationship to survive. Here are some suggested tips to rebuild trust after infidelity that all couples can try.
Tips to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity
Sit down one-on-one and have a real, raw conversation.
Get ready, though…this will not be simple. It’s important to understand why your spouse made the decision to be unfaithful. While there is never a truly good reason for it to happen, in order to successfully move on and put it behind you, you need to understand “why” first. When you ask that question, be ready for the answer.
Verify that both parties involved in the relationship want to continue in it.
Sometimes, when infidelity happens, it’s because the other person involved doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. And honestly, while it hurts, it’s better to know that sooner, rather than later. If both of you still want to be together, that’s a huge step in the right direction to begin rebuilding trust.
Agree to start over, fresh.
This tip is important. After learning of the infidelity, you have to completely and totally forgive your better half if you want to move on successfully. It isn’t something that you can hold over their head and use against them for the rest of their lives. That isn’t a healthy way to rebuild trust after infidelity. Forgiving someone and stating that you want to stay together has to go hand in hand. No exceptions.
Communicate your feelings to your spouse when you learned about the infidelity.
Your spouse may have given you the “reason” for cheating, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t express how it made you feel. They need to know the pain and anguish that it caused you, as that’s part of your healing process as well. If you bottle it all up inside and don’t share it with them, it will eventually come out at a later point in time, causing the infidelity issue to become relevant again.
Get outside help from a counselor or church pastor.
Sometimes, feelings and emotions need an outside third party to help filter through. If you and your spouse feel that you need outside help, seek out marriage counselors or talk to the local pastor at your church. Letting others into your circle of trust for this is a big deal, but keep in mind that that is what they are there for as well.
Don’t seek the “opinions” of others.
While having counselors and pastors help is one thing, getting outside “advice” from family and friends is another. If you air your dirty laundry for everyone to read and see, you’re going to get advice and opinions no matter what. It may be tempting to have a “bad-mouthing” session about the occurrence but keep in mind that this is also a person that you are wanting to repair your relationship with as well. Negative energy will create an even more negative outcome.
Rebuilding trust after infidelity isn’t a fun process, but it’s a process that is actually doable. Follow the suggested tips above and start working on your relationship in a positive way. If you and your spouse can understand and figure out the “why”, you may then be able to take steps to heal the heartbreaks of the past.