“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”
I never realized how true that quote was until I got married! My husband and I got married very young, while we were both still in college, and our first few years of marriage were very rocky. By the grace of God we were able to get plugged into a great church and great ministries that spoke truth over our marriage, and God began to work miracles within us.
In those days of our struggles in marriage, we went to a marriage seminar and I heard the pastor speak about the needs of a man (and a woman). It was like someone had turned a light bulb on over my head! I remember for days after wondering, “Why is this not being shared more regularly with other married couples?!” Understanding each other and our needs a little better was the first step in turning our stale marriage around, so I want to share them with you today.
Before I share what the top 4 needs of your man are, I have to ask you to pause and pray. Pray that the Holy Spirit will gently show you any of these areas you can improve upon and fun and exciting ways to do so.
I personally have to pray that God will soften my heart towards my husband and show me any area of resentment or bitterness toward him. It is so easy to look at our spouse and how they aren’t meeting our needs that we just decide to not meet theirs either. We must humble ourselves before the Lord and commit to make the changes that only we can make. The Lord opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble! (James 4:6)
The number one need of a man is honor. Wow, can this one be a tough one for us ladies. I could write an entire post on honor alone, but for now I will highlight a few ways we can show him honor. Think of someone you highly respect. If I were to be around someone I admire I would speak kindly to that person, tell them how much I admire them, and be their biggest fan. That is exactly what we need to do with our husband. It is crucial to allow him to fail, treat at a high position, and look at and speak positively of him. When we honor our husband, we are honoring God as well.
I understand some of us may have a spouse who doesn’t deserve this type of respect or honor. Let’s do it anyway. Something supernatural is released in our marriage when we do what God ask of us. Start small by allowing him to make a decision; then, regardless of how that decision turns out, love him and cheer him on.
It is no surprise that sex made it’s way to the top 4 needs of a man (spoiler alert: it’s not in women’s top 4! 🙂 ). However, I was surprised to see that it was number 2 AFTER honor. We honor our husband when we recognize his need for sex and we strive to meet this need for him.
Many things in marriage can inhibit our ability to enjoy each other freely. The enemy knows what a huge need this is in marriage and he attacks it from the moment we are joined together as one. We must ask ourselves and our spouse these questions regularly: What doors have I left open to the enemy in this area? Is there any baggage from my past that I brought into marriage? Is there anything I need to share with my spouse about my past that needs to be brought into the light? What makes you feel loved and connected to when we make love? How are we doing in this area?
I have heard it said that your sex life is the pulse of how your marriage is doing. If you feel dead in this area take some time to ask the Holy Spirit what may be robbing your marriage of the joy that God intended. Discuss privately with your spouse and seek professional counseling if need be.
3. FUN & COMPANIONSHIP
Now this is a need I can easily get behind! 🙂 Men have always been adventure seekers. Whether they are outdoors hunting, playing a sport or a video game, or in the garage fixing something, they LOVE adventure! What makes a man even happier is when his woman joins in on that fun!
I believe the biggest hindrance to couples having fun together is the busyness of work, life, kids, etc. For me, it helped so much to recognize that it is a NEED of my husband (not just a want) to do fun things with me. So over the years we have been creative on what that looks like for us. When we were still in school, raising babies, and on a very tight budget, our fun looked more like a Redbox movie (yes, my husband considers watching a movie together an adventure!), playing basketball together, or going for a hike. Lately we have been able to do some more adventurous things together, like scuba diving in Hawaii (yes that is us in the picture on this post) and hanging out on the Sky Deck Ledge in the Willis Tower in Chicago.
What “fun” looks like for you and your spouse will probably be very different than for us, but just find what you love and make time to do it together!
4. DOMESTICATED HOME
Last but not least, a man loves a well-kept home. This is another need that, in the beginning, made me cringe. I hated housework of any kind. If you are like me and this area doesn’t come naturally for you, I have two pieces of advice.
- Pray. Sounds simple, I know, but as I have prayed over this area the Lord has given me joy in cooking, cleaning, and taking care of our home.
- Ask your husband what is most important to him. When our kids were babies there was just no way I could keep up with cooking and cleaning everything. So I asked my husband what the 2 most important things were to him that I did daily. For him, he loved a bed that was made and dinner on the table. I recognize that not all women stay home, so please have this conversation with your husband about the most realistic way to have a domesticated home for your schedule. It won’t look the same for every household, and that is okay.
I pray that this article was an encouragement to you and that you learned something new. If you want to know the top 4 needs of a woman follow me over at Life Outside the Shell for that soon-to-come article. 🙂
I would love to hear from you. Do you think this is your husband’s top 4 needs? If not, which ones would you add in for him? This is a general guideline for most men, but as always we must be sure to ask the Holy Spirit to show us specifics for our own man! 🙂
Read more from the series here…
Rachael resides in Denton, Texas, with her wonderful husband, Matt, and three beautiful children, Ellie, Olivia and Zeke. Matt and Rachael own Back & Body Chiropractic in Lewisville, Texas. When she isn’t at the clinic or home with the kiddos, you can find Rachael in the gym, teaching group fitness classes for fun. Rachael is passionate about pulling women out of their shell and helping them discover who God created them to be. Follow Rachael at Life Outside the Shell and on Facebook.