Your husband gets one life to live.
And if he fears God, he will keep his marriage vows to you. No do-overs with another woman. So, theoretically, in this one life, you are his one wife.
If that’s you, what a blessing to feel secure in your marriage!
Because my husband is a Christ-follower, I have that very security – not because I’m infallibly lovable, but because my husband is committed to following God, which means he’s not going anywhere.
But, to put it in other words, he’s stuck with me!
“Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the LORD can give an understanding wife.” Proverbs 19:14 (NLT)
This concept of my husband’s “stuckness” has been a significant realization in my life as a wife. It blows me away to think that, barring unforeseen tragedy, I’m it for this man I love. I will greatly influence both the story line and the quality of his life.
He chose me. I don’t want that choice to be unfortunate.
This thinking puts a good kind of pressure on me. It helps me step outside of my selfish self long enough to view things in his best interests.
How often we wives spin dramatized tales of our woeful plights in marriage, when really there are so many reasons to appreciate and be thankful. We get worked up needlessly. We lose perspective. We make our marriage about us and only us.
This is not God’s vision for wives. We should remember that, from the very beginning, we were created to be our man’s helper. What’s more, the gospel message dictates that we lower ourselves to elevate others, with our husbands being our first and best opportunity to live this type of love.
The Bible describes a wife of character as follows:
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12
I want to be a treasure to my husband, and I hope you do, too, regardless of the “worthiness” you assign him of such a wife. We are to bring good, not harm, every day and in every way.
We should all desire this, not for anything we get out of it, but because we love our husbands with God’s love, and because in this way God is glorified.
Being a treasure can look many different ways, but here are a few of my personal applications.
How to be a treasure-wife
Many times I catch words of reproach or complaint just in time as God brings to my mind these thoughts, “He’s stuck with you. So what kind of wife do you want him to have?”
As for me, I want this man I love to have a gracious, forgiving, serving, and understanding wife. One who doesn’t keep score, who smiles freely, has fun, encourages, and offers peace and grace.
So I reel the words back in, swallow them, and relax. I’m always glad I did. If we need to talk through the thing, it will be better done after having time to calm down and think before speaking.
“It is better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.” Proverbs 21:19 (NLT)
My husband loves to play sports. I know that this is important to him. I don’t think breaking away to have fun has ever been more important than during this stressful season of life with three small children.
But sometimes (most times), the last thing I want to do after being home alone all day with our little crew is to be home alone all night with them.
I’m tempted to lay guilt on him. Or whine.
But many times I stop and think, “Do I want my husband to have a wife who cares for his well-being, or one who will seek to trap him into constant service?”
It’s a good perspective-shifter. The answer to that question is a no-brainer.
When I look from the viewpoint of his best interests, I willingly let him play sports. My heart is truly “in” my act of service towards him. And in his gratitude, he doesn’t overdo it. He seeks to serve me in the same way.
*Note: If your husband is not self-controlled, you may need to help him actually set boundaries. I’m not suggesting he is always right or that your interests don’t matter, but rather that we as wives attempt to get outside our own perspectives.
Some of us need that reminder. Others have very different and opposite struggles.
How does the idea that your husband is stuck with you influence your thinking?
Katie Bennett is a young, stay-at-home mom of three adorably-fun little ones, and she strives to live a life devoted to Jesus. She loves to write and focuses her energy on living simply and well. She blogs at Embracing a Simpler Life where she ponders things like eternal perspective, being a wife and mama for the glory of God, and simple, intentional living. Read more here.